"Dr. Ruth Westheimer, advocate for open discussion on sex in America, passes away at the age of 96"
Dr. Ruth Westheimer engages in an "Ask Dr. Ruth" panel during the Television Critics Association Winter Press Tour on February 11, 2019, in Pasadena, California. Westheimer passed away on Friday at the age of 96
NEW YORK — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the pioneering sex therapist who rose to fame as a candid advocate for open discussions on once-taboo bedroom topics, has passed away at the age of 96.
Westheimer, who died on Friday at her home in New York City surrounded by family, was widely known for her media presence and best-selling books, where she addressed intimate matters with refreshing honesty. Throughout her career, she emphasized the importance of open dialogue, reassuring her vast audience that there was no shame in discussing deeply personal issues.
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"I still adhere to traditional values and consider myself somewhat conventional," she explained to students at Michigan City High School in 2002. "Sexuality is a private matter, yet it's a topic that needs open discussion."
Despite her giggly, German-accented voice and diminutive 4-foot-7 stature, Westheimer defied expectations as a champion of "sexual literacy." This unlikely combination was key to her widespread appeal.
Her deep expertise and training, along with her humorous and nonjudgmental approach, propelled her local radio show, "Sexually Speaking," to national prominence in the early 1980s. Dr. Ruth Westheimer embraced a nonjudgmental stance toward the private lives of consenting adults.
"Tell him you won't be the one to start it," she advised a worried caller in June 1982. "Let him know Dr. Westheimer said you won't perish if he abstains from sex for a week."
Her radio triumphs led to new opportunities, and in 1983, she penned the first of over 40 books: "Dr. Ruth's Guide to Good Sex," blending clarity and humor to demystify sexuality. She even developed a board game, "Dr. Ruth's Game of Good Sex."
She quickly established herself as a frequent guest on late-night television talk shows, where her vibrant personality captivated a national audience. Her emergence paralleled the onset of the AIDS epidemic, a time when open discussions about sexuality became imperative.
In a 1982 interview with Johnny Carson, she advocated for a more open dialogue on sexual activity, likening it to discussions about diet and food, stressing the importance of tasteful communication without stigma.
She revolutionized public discourse by casually using terms like "penis" and "vagina" on radio and TV, accentuated by her distinctive Jewish grandmotherly voice, which The Wall Street Journal once likened to "a blend of Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse." People magazine honored her as one of "The Most Intriguing People of the Century," and she even found herself referenced in a Shania Twain song: "No, I don’t need proof to show me the truth/Not even Dr. Ruth is gonna tell me how I feel."
Dr. Ruth Westheimer staunchly defended abortion rights, encouraged older adults to enjoy sex after a good night’s rest, and was a vocal advocate for condom use, all while promoting the value of monogamy.
In the 1980s, she courageously defended gay men during the AIDS epidemic and became a vocal advocate for the LGBTQ community. Her motivation stemmed from personal experiences, having faced persecution herself.
Born Karola Ruth Seigel in Frankfurt, Germany, in 1928, she grew up as an only child. At the age of 10, her parents sent her to Switzerland to escape Kristallnacht, the violent Nazi pogrom of 1938 that foreshadowed the Holocaust. Tragically, she never saw her parents again, believing they perished in the gas chambers of Auschwitz.
By 16, she had relocated to Palestine, where she joined the Haganah, the underground movement for Israeli independence. Trained as a sniper, she later shared that she never fired her weapon at another person.
After a bomb exploded in her dormitory, claiming the lives of many friends, she suffered severe leg wounds. She credited her ability to walk and ski again to the skill of a "superb" surgeon.
In 1950, she married her first husband, an Israeli soldier, and they relocated to Paris while she pursued her education. Despite lacking a high school diploma, Westheimer gained admission to the Sorbonne after passing an entrance exam, where she studied psychology.
In 1955, her first marriage ended. The following year, she moved to New York with her new boyfriend, a Frenchman who later became her second husband and father to her daughter, Miriam.
In 1961, after her second divorce, she found her lifelong companion, Manfred Westheimer, also a refugee from Nazi Germany. They married and welcomed a son, Joel. Their marriage endured for 36 years until Manfred, affectionately known as "Fred," passed away from heart failure in 1997.
After earning her doctorate in education from Columbia University, she began her teaching career at Lehman College in the Bronx. It was there that she honed a unique specialty: educating professors on the intricacies of sex education, which would later form the cornerstone of her curriculum.
Reflecting on her journey, she noted in her 1987 autobiography, "I quickly realized that while I was knowledgeable about education, I lacked expertise in sexuality." Motivated to enhance her understanding, she pursued coursework under the guidance of renowned sex therapist Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan.
In that place, she found her true calling. As she humorously put it, she began offering sexual advice "like a good bowl of chicken soup."
"I grew up in an Orthodox Jewish household, where sex was never seen as a sin for us Jews," she explained to The Guardian in 2019.
By 1984, her radio show had gained national syndication. The following year marked her television debut with "The Dr. Ruth Show," earning her an Ace Award for cable television excellence.
During her rise to prominence, she authored a widely syndicated advice column and starred in educational videos under Playboy's production, advocating for open sexual communication and healthy intimacy. She further extended her influence with the creation of "Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex" board game and a series of calendars.
Her ascent was particularly remarkable against the backdrop of the Reagan administration, marked by its opposition to Planned Parenthood and its alignment with conservative viewpoints.
Phyllis Schlafly, known for her staunch anti-feminist views, criticized figures like Westheimer, Gloria Steinem, Anita Hill, Madonna, and Ellen DeGeneres in a 1999 article titled "The Dangers of Sex Education," accusing them of promoting "provocative sex chatter" and fostering "rampant immorality."
Father Edwin O’Brien, then the director of communications for the Catholic archdiocese of New York and later a cardinal, condemned Schlafly's work as deeply troubling and morally compromised.
In a 1982 opinion piece published in The Wall Street Journal, O’Brien characterized the prevailing message as "pure hedonism," asserting, "The message is simply to indulge yourself; whatever feels good is good. There is no higher law of overriding morality, and there’s also no sense of responsibility."
Dr. Ruth Westheimer has appeared on numerous shows including “The Howard Stern Radio Show,” “Nightline,” “The Tonight Show,” “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” “The Dr. Oz Show,” and “Late Night with David Letterman.” She portrayed herself in episodes of “Quantum Leap” and “Love Boat: The Next Wave.”
Among her published works are “Sex for Dummies,” as well as autobiographical books such as “All in a Lifetime” (1987) and “Musically Speaking: A Life through Song” (2003). The documentary film “Ask Dr. Ruth” was released in 2019.
During her tenure as a radio and television personality, she maintained a steadfast dedication to education, holding positions at Yale, Hunter, Princeton, and Columbia universities, alongside a rigorous schedule of college lectures. Simultaneously, she upheld a private practice throughout her lifetime.
Recognized for her contributions to human sexuality and her unwavering support for the Jewish community, Israel, and religion, Westheimer was awarded an honorary doctorate from Hebrew Union College-Institute of Religion. Her accolades include the Ellis Island Medal of Honor and the Leo Baeck Medal in 2001, as well as an honorary Doctor of Letters degree from Trinity College in 2004.
Ryan White, director of “Ask Dr. Ruth,” emphasized in a 2019 interview with Vice that Westheimer consistently championed causes ahead of trends, notably advocating for gay rights and promoting family planning.
"She consistently championed these values throughout her life. Friends from her orphanage recalled that even in the '30s, '40s, and '50s, she embraced and respected gay individuals she encountered. She firmly believed in treating everyone with respect."
"She is survived by her two children, Joel and Miriam, and four grandchildren."
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